Stage consists of a kitchen with table/chairs (stage right), the concept of a hallway and a bathroom with toilet, sink and tub (stage left). The front door can be offstage right. Lighting shifts between the kitchen and the bathroom. An orange special is always behind the Poltergeist.
Lights up Kitchen
The Expert arrives and is let in by Mother. She is brought to the kitchen table and offered a chair, she accepts after setting her briefcase down. Father is already in the kitchen leaning on a counter. Mother sits across from the Expert.
Expert: Lovely home. Have you been here long?
Father: Not very. We bought the house right after our daughter was born. Less than a year.
E: Did you know the former tenants? Did the agent suggest the house had any sort of troubling history?
Mother: We were told the former resident had a break in and felt unsafe so sold. When we moved in we installed new security, although that doesn’t seem to matter.
E: So the break-ins persist?
F: Nothing broke in. The damn thing was already here!
M: Your mouth.
F: No burglaries. A lot of other problems, but no burglaries.
M: (Moves to take the seat beside the Expert and draws in close) Our baby is using profanities. She hasn’t even said “mama” yet, but she calls me a whore.
E: Does she hear profanity at home?
M: Absolutely not.
E: TV ? Babysitter? I’m sympathetic but also skeptical that this is a paranormal issue.
F: Listen to this. I made a recording. (Produces a baby monitor.)
Poltergeist: (Voice on recorder. His delivery is articulate with the tinge of a Latin teacher’s condescension)
Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck her. Fuck him. Fuck this. Fuck them. Fuck it. Fuck – (Mother abruptly turns off the machine, clearly discomforted.)
E: Whoever is caring for your daughter is deranged. I’d fire him immediately – maybe even call the police. That’s the best help I can give you.
F: That was recorded in her nursery in the middle of the night. She was alone.
E: Someone hacked the signal then. Call the police. (Reaches for her briefcase)
F: The police won’t come anymore. The first time it happened I ran to her nursery with my handgun drawn – no one was with her. We moved her crib to our room, that didn’t stop him. We unplugged it, we even put it away but it ended up next to her crib again. That horrible voice won’t stop. It’s not hacked. He’s not an intruder or a babysitter, we are haunted. I don’t believe in ghosts but we have one! Now she’s starting to speak like that, she’s learning from him. Whatever it is that you do will you please do it?
E: It’s not normal behavior for a ghost. They’re usually more subtle, suggestive. I can try to a get a feel. If it is paranormal I will help you. If this is something in my field, which I’m not certain yet if it is, then there are methods to banish the entity. Show me the nursery.
M: You don’t know what it would mean to me for my baby to stop calling me a whore. But, it doesn’t live in the nursery.
E. Where then? Basement?
F. No, the bathroom. I’ll show you.
Light shift to BathroomFather and Mother lead the Expert down an unassuming hallway to a simple bathroom door.